In five days I will have been here a month. It does not really seem like it was that long ago, and in some ways it does... Funny how time works.
Things are getting better. I feel like Ticket Edu. wasn’t expecting to have two students who were quite so dedicated to schoolwork. I know that sounds lame, however; I think I shocked Claudia on Wednesday. I mentioned that it was emotionally exhausting... well I broke down in the office. After last Saturday, I felt very isolated and lonely. Julia has a housemate she can hang out with and I sort of hang in the periphery. I know I've mentioned this before, but I should re iterate that it is close to impossible to make friends here in this city. So we'll go back to Wednesday and my scene in the office:
We'd been talking about things to do with both of our coordinators, and it is true, there is never a shortage of things to do in the city. However, it’s best to have someone to go with. And if Julia is hanging out with her housemate, then I'm either tagging along... which makes me feel like an idiot sometimes, because its never like Molly lets go do this: it's Oh you can come too if you want... However, maybe I am just being over sensitive to whether or not Julia is getting sick of me. After all, we have to be together for the next 3 months. Especially for people who didn't really know each other at all before meeting at the airport. So, Claudia and Carolina are talking about all the things we have to do and how this month is jam-packed but in a few weeks, we'll have a lot more free time to continue exploring. Julia is totally in to is and I'm sitting quietly, keeping it all in. I'm exhausted, I hadn't been able to sleep until after 3:3o again and. I don't know how to bring up the topic. I'm not happy. And, being tired makes everything that much less enjoyable. Eventually they notice the shocking contrast between Julia's seemingly perpetual good mood, and my malaise. I can't do it anymore. Claudia asks how we are doing and Julia decides to speak for me... uhh okay. She repeated what I had just said to Carolina before Claudia walked in. I am isolated; I need more to do. I chime in since we are talking about me, right? So, I clarify; I am a dedicated student. Nevertheless, when I am done with my work, walking around and watching Argentine culture from a park bench is not participating. I am anonymous as I look through a 'glass wall’ to a culture that I haven't even had the opportunity to enter; you have to be invited. And my program seems oblivious. They listen, but with ready made responses- and will use them even if they don't quite fit.
For example, I told them I am lonely I need help meeting people who are native Spanish speakers. I didn't come here to hang out with Americans; I didn't come here to speak in English, with other students about learning Spanish. I came here to improve. I am here to meet and make connections with Argentine people; I didn’t come here to walk around the park and watch life here through a glass wall. I also want to clarify that I like the other International students, I think they are fascinating and it is fun to see so many different people crossing paths at this point- at this moment in each of our lives, because everyone is heading in such different directions. I like spending time with them, but to be true to myself and do what I need for my future, I have to realize that it is good to make those international connections, AND remember that I came to Argentina for Spanish. Speaking in broken Spanish with other students is good practice, but it doesn't help me understand the accent, or grammar... vocab. yes but it is still broken Spanish. So, I explained my frustration and my concerns- they nod, sit pensively for a moment and begin. " The life in the city is a very lonely one. People here do not make friends in college, they do not have a campus, and they meet people in primary and secondary school, keep maybe two or three of those friends, and possibly contact them once a week or four times a year. The life in the city is one of great solitude, you have to understand that....” Are you kidding me? Sure okay well, Why the hell am I here then if it is sooooo impossible to meet people, and isn't it your job as the host program to have things for your students to make sure that they don't have that lonely city tango melancholy argentine experience? I am sorry, but I think that answer that the most bogus thing they could have said to me in that moment. And I'm not sorry because I don't want to seem rude, I'm sorry because it means there is something integrally wrong with a program that thinks this way. Perhaps they are not accustomed to students who are not here to hang out with five other Americans or eight other English speakers for the duration of their stay. Is it not their job to have groups, and names, and lists of activities ready on hand?
Yes, and in some ways they do. In reality, Julia and I are neither Pioneers, nor Guinea pigs... Ticket Edu. is an established program...They have worked with students before. For St. Mary's yes, but I am concerned that they won't be willing to listen, and I mean truly listen to what I have to say. I worry for another reason; I think I perceive this study abroad experience in a very distinct from how Julia views the experience. She hasn't been abroad for school before. She has traveled independently, but never had the pressure of NEEDING the credits, or needing the experience to be successful academically. Now she needs this to graduate, she needs this to complete her St. Mary's Project (the senior thesis at St. Mary’s). She is willing to smile, nod, read, and write her essays because she needs this. I'm not saying I don't need the credits, but I certainly didn't need to study abroad again this fall, I don't need the hard core Spanish credits... you know? Maybe this is a personal problem, or maybe I am just a very different type of person, or I don't know what... However, I see this experience as one for other people too. This is not just for me. And call me stupid, but that is a huge part of why this seemed so important to me. I wanted to be able to serve my community by coming here. Yes, I'm here for my Spanish, but I'm also here to help create a program that will be as well done as ICADS in Costa Rica/Nicaragua. I think everyone deserves to have that kind of challenging, reflective, learning experience. I want to be able to use the word provocative, but I am afraid that it will be misunderstood, because of convention, common connotation, but I felt like ICADS forced me to change, and in that way, by causing a strong reaction, it was provocative. I think that students who are used to being comfortable and mindless need that wake up call. I'm not sure if Buenos Aires is the place for that kind of experience, but it is what you make of it and I'm trying to find that balance for me... so that I will have something to contribute when I come back. I want students to be able to have a (I hate the word transformational because it is soooo cliché,) transformational experience because being made t go with out isn't a big deal, and hot water isn't necessary to have a wonderful experience, neither is electricity. I am frustrated because here I am in Buenos Aires, well fed, hot water, easy access to Internet, and I'm not having such a great time. And, part of my frustration is that I don't want to be a problem child- but I'm not willing to smile, just do my homework and achieve what I need to obtain credit. I'm not here for that. Ironically enough, it seems like Academics has been a huge part of the Ticket Edu. experience. I am not satisfied.
I guess what I'm saying now is that I want to be able to have constructive feedback for the IE office when I come home. Although, what I really want, and what the students who think they want to Study here in Buenos Aires need, is a dept. that is willing to listen, willing to put them first and not say, oh well you're adults- figure it out.
It's funny because I am figuring it out; and honestly; not with many of the suggestions from Ticket Edu. However, I have spoken to them. I joined the Choir at school, and not because they suggested it. Though I am sure, they like to think so... The choir in al reality was the first time I was with Argentine people outside of Ticket Edu. program... I think that’s a little sad. In Costa Rica, the idea of mingling was less urgent for a number of reasons: my Spanish was not good enough, I was in a group of American students, we were only going to be a group for a month and then we would be completely immersed. The format allowed the students to adapt to not being in America together, and then separated the students placing them in separate towns in both CR and Nicaragua, forcing them to be totally immersed. Is that even possible here if the program isn't willing to make those connections for the students in advance? Otherwise the students, because of the loneliness of city life... will gravitate to other (more friendly) people, most likely being other lonely foreigners... and then the idea of Argentine cultural EXCHANGE is gone.... it becomes a cultural witness program. Me entendés?
Things are getting better. I feel like Ticket Edu. wasn’t expecting to have two students who were quite so dedicated to schoolwork. I know that sounds lame, however; I think I shocked Claudia on Wednesday. I mentioned that it was emotionally exhausting... well I broke down in the office. After last Saturday, I felt very isolated and lonely. Julia has a housemate she can hang out with and I sort of hang in the periphery. I know I've mentioned this before, but I should re iterate that it is close to impossible to make friends here in this city. So we'll go back to Wednesday and my scene in the office:
We'd been talking about things to do with both of our coordinators, and it is true, there is never a shortage of things to do in the city. However, it’s best to have someone to go with. And if Julia is hanging out with her housemate, then I'm either tagging along... which makes me feel like an idiot sometimes, because its never like Molly lets go do this: it's Oh you can come too if you want... However, maybe I am just being over sensitive to whether or not Julia is getting sick of me. After all, we have to be together for the next 3 months. Especially for people who didn't really know each other at all before meeting at the airport. So, Claudia and Carolina are talking about all the things we have to do and how this month is jam-packed but in a few weeks, we'll have a lot more free time to continue exploring. Julia is totally in to is and I'm sitting quietly, keeping it all in. I'm exhausted, I hadn't been able to sleep until after 3:3o again and. I don't know how to bring up the topic. I'm not happy. And, being tired makes everything that much less enjoyable. Eventually they notice the shocking contrast between Julia's seemingly perpetual good mood, and my malaise. I can't do it anymore. Claudia asks how we are doing and Julia decides to speak for me... uhh okay. She repeated what I had just said to Carolina before Claudia walked in. I am isolated; I need more to do. I chime in since we are talking about me, right? So, I clarify; I am a dedicated student. Nevertheless, when I am done with my work, walking around and watching Argentine culture from a park bench is not participating. I am anonymous as I look through a 'glass wall’ to a culture that I haven't even had the opportunity to enter; you have to be invited. And my program seems oblivious. They listen, but with ready made responses- and will use them even if they don't quite fit.
For example, I told them I am lonely I need help meeting people who are native Spanish speakers. I didn't come here to hang out with Americans; I didn't come here to speak in English, with other students about learning Spanish. I came here to improve. I am here to meet and make connections with Argentine people; I didn’t come here to walk around the park and watch life here through a glass wall. I also want to clarify that I like the other International students, I think they are fascinating and it is fun to see so many different people crossing paths at this point- at this moment in each of our lives, because everyone is heading in such different directions. I like spending time with them, but to be true to myself and do what I need for my future, I have to realize that it is good to make those international connections, AND remember that I came to Argentina for Spanish. Speaking in broken Spanish with other students is good practice, but it doesn't help me understand the accent, or grammar... vocab. yes but it is still broken Spanish. So, I explained my frustration and my concerns- they nod, sit pensively for a moment and begin. " The life in the city is a very lonely one. People here do not make friends in college, they do not have a campus, and they meet people in primary and secondary school, keep maybe two or three of those friends, and possibly contact them once a week or four times a year. The life in the city is one of great solitude, you have to understand that....” Are you kidding me? Sure okay well, Why the hell am I here then if it is sooooo impossible to meet people, and isn't it your job as the host program to have things for your students to make sure that they don't have that lonely city tango melancholy argentine experience? I am sorry, but I think that answer that the most bogus thing they could have said to me in that moment. And I'm not sorry because I don't want to seem rude, I'm sorry because it means there is something integrally wrong with a program that thinks this way. Perhaps they are not accustomed to students who are not here to hang out with five other Americans or eight other English speakers for the duration of their stay. Is it not their job to have groups, and names, and lists of activities ready on hand?
Yes, and in some ways they do. In reality, Julia and I are neither Pioneers, nor Guinea pigs... Ticket Edu. is an established program...They have worked with students before. For St. Mary's yes, but I am concerned that they won't be willing to listen, and I mean truly listen to what I have to say. I worry for another reason; I think I perceive this study abroad experience in a very distinct from how Julia views the experience. She hasn't been abroad for school before. She has traveled independently, but never had the pressure of NEEDING the credits, or needing the experience to be successful academically. Now she needs this to graduate, she needs this to complete her St. Mary's Project (the senior thesis at St. Mary’s). She is willing to smile, nod, read, and write her essays because she needs this. I'm not saying I don't need the credits, but I certainly didn't need to study abroad again this fall, I don't need the hard core Spanish credits... you know? Maybe this is a personal problem, or maybe I am just a very different type of person, or I don't know what... However, I see this experience as one for other people too. This is not just for me. And call me stupid, but that is a huge part of why this seemed so important to me. I wanted to be able to serve my community by coming here. Yes, I'm here for my Spanish, but I'm also here to help create a program that will be as well done as ICADS in Costa Rica/Nicaragua. I think everyone deserves to have that kind of challenging, reflective, learning experience. I want to be able to use the word provocative, but I am afraid that it will be misunderstood, because of convention, common connotation, but I felt like ICADS forced me to change, and in that way, by causing a strong reaction, it was provocative. I think that students who are used to being comfortable and mindless need that wake up call. I'm not sure if Buenos Aires is the place for that kind of experience, but it is what you make of it and I'm trying to find that balance for me... so that I will have something to contribute when I come back. I want students to be able to have a (I hate the word transformational because it is soooo cliché,) transformational experience because being made t go with out isn't a big deal, and hot water isn't necessary to have a wonderful experience, neither is electricity. I am frustrated because here I am in Buenos Aires, well fed, hot water, easy access to Internet, and I'm not having such a great time. And, part of my frustration is that I don't want to be a problem child- but I'm not willing to smile, just do my homework and achieve what I need to obtain credit. I'm not here for that. Ironically enough, it seems like Academics has been a huge part of the Ticket Edu. experience. I am not satisfied.
I guess what I'm saying now is that I want to be able to have constructive feedback for the IE office when I come home. Although, what I really want, and what the students who think they want to Study here in Buenos Aires need, is a dept. that is willing to listen, willing to put them first and not say, oh well you're adults- figure it out.
It's funny because I am figuring it out; and honestly; not with many of the suggestions from Ticket Edu. However, I have spoken to them. I joined the Choir at school, and not because they suggested it. Though I am sure, they like to think so... The choir in al reality was the first time I was with Argentine people outside of Ticket Edu. program... I think that’s a little sad. In Costa Rica, the idea of mingling was less urgent for a number of reasons: my Spanish was not good enough, I was in a group of American students, we were only going to be a group for a month and then we would be completely immersed. The format allowed the students to adapt to not being in America together, and then separated the students placing them in separate towns in both CR and Nicaragua, forcing them to be totally immersed. Is that even possible here if the program isn't willing to make those connections for the students in advance? Otherwise the students, because of the loneliness of city life... will gravitate to other (more friendly) people, most likely being other lonely foreigners... and then the idea of Argentine cultural EXCHANGE is gone.... it becomes a cultural witness program. Me entendés?
No comments:
Post a Comment